Dear Abby: Toddler’s helicopter mom irks grandma

Dear Abby My daughter won t allow me to have a relationship with my toddler grandson without constantly interfering Everything is no She says things like Don t bring him a toy every time you come over no more toys No TV Don t play the kids music too loud No he cannot go outside there are bugs or it s too hot Don t give him milk now Don t give him a snack I have to ask her permission for everything and it is so stressful When I tell her But you buy him toys she responds Well I m the mother It seems almost bizarrely competitive She s exhausting Does she have the right to disrupt my relationship with my only grandchild in this way Controlled Grandma in Florida Dear Grandma I m afraid she does Not knowing your daughter I can t explain why she is determined to prevent you from spoiling your grandson Perhaps she fears that he will love you more than he loves her Whatever her reason if you want to have a relationship with that child you are going to have to accept her house rules Dear Abby My son is hosting a reception for guests at his home for his daughter s my granddaughter s wedding It will be a professionally catered sit-down dinner complete with a professional bartender In your opinion what is the protocol for tipping a bartender who will be paid handsomely by the company who employs him The company is charging my son a steep hourly rate Specific think it is fine for this employee to have a tip jar at the bar Others say it would be tacky to expect family and friends to tip above and beyond what my son is already paying plus tipping him privately Please share your wisdom so we can put this unpleasant subject to rest Already Paying Enough in Nevada Dear Already Paying The reception is a PRIVATE event The bartender is being compensated handsomely or not by the company that employs him Your son will also be tipping him I wholeheartedly agree with the others who have explained you a tip jar would be tacky Dear Abby When I take something to a potluck I assume any leftovers stay with the host unless they are offered to people to take home Sometimes there s so much food at a potluck that several of the contributions are barely touched I have spent time and money preparing food and I hate to see it thrown away Would it be weird rude or socially uncool to ask to take my contribution home with me if it s not perishable Hates Waste in Washington Dear Hates Waste If your contribution to the potluck is barely touched it would not be weird rude or socially unacceptable to ask your hosts if you can take it home with you But do offer to leave a portion for them if they wish Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren also known as Jeanne Phillips and was founded by her mother Pauline Phillips Contact Dear Abby at www DearAbby com or P O Box Los Angeles CA